Beauty: Even in This

Today is October 15, 2014. Until this year, I had no idea that this day had such tremendous significance. And then I suffered through the loss of two babies within nine months. As a result, I can now be counted among those who know the significance of this day. Today is the National day of Remembrance for Infant and Pregnancy Loss. The day in which all who once welled up with joy at the dreams of a new life to come, and all that those dreams would include; now cherish the memory of that hopeful anticipation and grieve the loss of the life they’d never see lived out. We will always wonder who they could have become.

So I find it extremely beautiful that God saw fit to give this day of remembrance as the birthday to baby Audrey. You see because she is the first of a group of babies that are set to arrive on the scene, who were all preceded by that great season of mourning. That season in the fall and winter, in which Audrey’s mommy and another close friend lost their babies two months apart. And then two months later, the season that continued when I and another close friend mourned the tragic loss of our babies within the same week. And then just a month after that, when two more friends would go on to grieve the loss of their babies to miscarriage as well. Six of us wounded warrior souls and our strong (but hurting) husbands, in a five month span, in my small little circle.  So Audrey is a beacon of Hope. And Audrey is a joy that we would never have known had the precious baby before here been left here with us.

It’s no coincidence that she came on this day. And that at 2am this morning, I got to begin this October 15th holding new life in my arms:

Audrey's Birthday  FullSizeRender  FullSizeRender_1

When I stop to listen, I hear God whispering through it: “I remember. I see your pain. And I promise, I make everything beautiful in its time.”


For each of these women, the story would take different turns. All of us on our uniquely God-designed journeys, crafted in love and purpose. And as I watched with great anticipation, and at the same time an insanely heavy heart, as one by one these dear friends would find themselves joyously pregnant again, I began to believe more and more that my day would soon come too. When I would be carried into a joyous new season, and this would all be but a memory. Yet, here I sit today, having journeyed ten months now, with grief and hope as my companions on this God led journey; and I’ve just experienced my second consecutive loss of all that is wrapped up into a mother’s dreams for her unborn child, to miscarriage.

And so, because this is the journey the Lord has chosen for me, and because He has been profoundly faithful each step of the way: He has called me to share the beauty He’s shown me. Because He didn’t just show me the beauty for me, but for all the other souls that need this hope too…and perhaps he’s birthing beauty in an unexpected way in my own life.

– Dennika


7 thoughts on “Beauty: Even in This

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